An Atypical Love Story: Lauren Shippen’s “The Infinite Noise”

Caleb Michaels seems like a high school football player in the way you expect: a cute and popular running back having issues with his grades and his temper. After Caleb blacks out and gets into a fight in a school hallway, he’s sent to the therapy practice of Dr. Joan Bright to talk through his uncontrollable emotions. Dr. Bright’s specialty is a little unexpected, though: she works with Atypicals, humans who also happen to have supernatural powers. And maybe the reason Caleb can’t control his emotions is because it’s not just his own emotions he’s feeling.

Adam Hayes seems like a whiz kid in the way you expect: a natural talent for debate and public speaking, placed in the super-special math class, and, unsurprisingly, bullied. Adam’s biggest problem is his depression, and how it impacts every aspect of his life, until his biggest problem becomes Caleb Michaels. Caleb’s cute and Adam definitely has a crush, but worst of all, he’s incredibly perceptive and Adam can’t seem to hide around him. And maybe the reason Adam can’t lie about what he’s feeling isn’t because he’s gotten bad at hiding his emotions.

Lauren Shippen’s The Infinite Noise is a heart-warming story of young love, a story that lingers on allowing two teenage boys to feel their feelings and grow to love one another in a thoughtfully rendered fashion. The story takes place during the events of Shippen’s award-winning, critically-acclaimed audio drama podcast The Bright Sessions, but focuses solely on the dual perspectives of Caleb and Adam. This book is a gem for the long-time fans who followed Caleb and Adam in the podcast, but does not leave adrift readers who haven’t listened, which makes The Infinite Noise another wonderful entry point to the world of Atypicals.

No matter what genre Shippen’s writing, she doesn’t lose sight of what’s most important for the story at hand. In The Infinite Noise, it’s a story about teenagers falling in love and learning how to communicate and process their emotions. The supernatural is there too: learning how to process is both aided and hampered by Caleb being an empath, but the mysterious supernatural conspiracies take a backseat to their blossoming relationship. The conspiracies in question don’t even show up in full force until the final chapters, and even then, it’s entirely through the lens of what it could mean for Caleb and Adam.

There is something precious about having a teenage, queer relationship in a space where they’re able to explore that openly and with a support network. Shippen doesn’t gloss over the reality of being openly queer, but she does give Caleb and Adam loving families, each in their own way, and school companions who grow to be friends. This is the kind of story I want to cradle in my hands and protect, because too often, queer kids have to put their feelings into a box and close the lid to keep themselves safe. Too often, they keep their secrets so deeply buried it eats them from the inside. I know, because I was that queer kid; maybe you, too, are that queer kid.

This is why Caleb’s empathy powers are so important. Through them, Caleb’s able to overcome the pull of toxic masculinity that Shippen refers to via side characters like the school bully, Tyler, and another creepy superpowered patient, Damien, and even via his own relationship with anger. He’s able to identify Adam’s “black sludge” of depression, and describe an exhausting all-consuming fog that puts Caleb to sleep. Shippen’s dual perspective is crucial in her presentation of depression. Through Caleb’s powers, she depicts emotion and sensation through gorgeous metaphor, in a way that those who haven’t experienced it could relate to and in a way that never blames Adam for what he’s feeling. In Adam’s voice, Shippen gets right to the heart of the matter, and depicts a teenager trying his best to claw his way out of a hole that leads, sometimes, to self-harm.

Adam’s depression is multifaceted, and self-harm is not the only way it manifests, but most importantly, the power of love is not a cure-all. Shippen’s approach to Adam’s mental illness is refreshing, an honest and realistic portrayal of all of the caveats and reasons people with depression give ourselves to make it to the next day, or feel safe to stay in bed and not move for hours. He refrains from giving in to the desire to harm himself not because it would cause him pain, but because it would cause his parents pain and that, as he notes, is unacceptable. It’s these small and big reasons–like looking forward to debate prep or to a text message from Caleb–that mirror what it’s like to live with depression, and that drove home for me how tasteful and gentle Shippen is with Adam.

The Infinite Noise is the first book of a trilogy set in The Bright Sessions‘ universe, a supernaturally-tinged fantastic young adult novel where superpowers are not a solution to life’s problems. In fact, Caleb’s superpowers tend to make his life more difficult, to the point where he regrets how he’s changed his family’s life and forgets that he has his own emotions, and that those have value, too. This has all of the best parts of The Bright Sessions embedded within: a story that’s more about the characters and their growth rather than about conspiracies. The Infinite Noise is warm and tender, with little melodrama and a lot of care for teenagers finding purpose and love all while learning how to stake their claim in the world.

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