As the kids in the background of A Charlie Brown Christmas hauntingly sing, Christmastiiiiiiiime is heeeeere. And for both those who celebrate and some who don’t, this means time with the extended family. And the extended family may have pegged you as the Person Who Loves/Works In Podcasts, and they will ask a bunch of basic, but strangely difficult, questions about podcasting you may not have the answer to.

Fear not, brave audiophile. Here’s a guide to get through it all and get on to the important work of slipping whiskey into your coffee/nog/everything.

What is a podcast?
A podcast is people talking about something that you can listen to. It might be an interview or a story or something really highly produced, almost like a movie for your ears. But unlike an audiobook, podcasts were always made to be listened to.

How do I listen to them?
You know that purple app on your phone that you never touch? That’s the Apple Podcast app. You can listen to podcasts there, and subscribe to shows so you never miss an episode.

That sounds boring.
So are your life choices, Margarie, but I didn’t say anything about them in front of the ham.

So it’s radio… on your phone?
Kind of! Think of it how you can choose music. Either you turn on the radio, and they have music picked out for what they think everyone likes, or you can play Billy Joel deep cuts whenever you want on your phone. Podcasts are the Billy Joel deep cuts.

And people make money from these?
Yes. But also, no.

What do you mean?
Like everything in media, it’s hard to be recognized. The people who do it first, or are famous already, or work at a big company, have a leg up. And they make money. But a lot of people don’t. But you can put together with ads and Patreon and some freelancing on the side.

Are you okay on money? 
YES MOM IT’S COOL

I heard Elon Musk smoked weed on a podcast. Does that happen often?
No. But also, yes?

What is Blue Apron? Why is it on all the podcasts? 
Blue Apron gives you all of the essentials for a home cooked meal without any of the hassle of buying ingredients. Enjoy step by step recipes delivered to your door, and use the coupon code ADVENTURE to get your first two meals— I’m sorry, I blacked out there for a moment. What was your question?

My friend from quilting’s grandson is a photographer in Brooklyn. Do you know him? 
No, Grandma. Not everyone in Brooklyn knows each other. Wait, Trent? Oh, yeah, he’s dating my roommate.

What’s your favorite podcast about?
Cereal. It calms me.

What’s the best podcast? 
That’s… hard to say, like saying what’s the best movie of all time. There are shows that everyone knows and loves, so maybe This American Life? But you can pick whatever you want to listen to, you know, not just what people say are the best.

I’ve heard of Serial.
That wasn’t really a question. But good start! I think true crime shows exploit the victim’s narrative–

I listen to [Daily News Podcast!]
Also wasn’t a question. But also, good!

Why do you like it?
There’s a real intimacy between the listener and the podcaster. Someone is speaking directly into your ears, like you’re listening in on a private conversation. While the show is playing, you and the podcasters are best friends, and it makes the mundane so much easier. I wish I had my friends joking with me or telling me a story while I washed dishes or tried to fall asleep or drive. Now, I do.

This media business seems so new and full of possibilities. I’m happy you’re investing your time and energy in an exciting new medium that fits the rapidly changing future.
Woah, that was sincere. How did that get in there?

So, when are you going to introduce me to the Crooked Media guys?
There it is.

Related posts:

How Blackhat Marketers are Ruining the Apple Podcasts Charts Why Are Podcasts Popular? Plug in, Press Play: Reimagining Podcasts as Games