The Best 12 Criminal Episodes

For almost six years the podcast Criminal has set itself apart from the true crime podcast crowd with consistent, creative topics and a steadfast commitment to humanity. Even episodes containing grisly murders are still about the real people affected by it, the sociological consequences of the crime at hand. All delivered by the eternally soothing voice of host Phoebe Judge. Over the course of nearly 130 episodes, Criminal has delivered fascinating (and sometimes terrifying) stories of crime and those affected. As the days grow shorter and the nights get colder, now is as good as time as any to jump back into the Criminal archive. Here are 12 phenomenal episodes presented in no particular order. 

1. Dropping Like Flies | #5

The ultimate example of how organized crime can exist anywhere, this wonderful episode focuses on the endemic problem of poachers stealing Venus Flytraps and selling them on the black market. The only place in the world that’s native to them is a relatively tiny section of North Carolina (yes, I was shocked too) that is only protected by a couple of overextended park rangers. This episode plays out like a parody of a crime novel as Judge gets into the details of mysterious benefactors, laws with no teeth, and an army of villains stealing carnivorous plants. Except it’s all real and acts as a microcosm for attitudes about exploiting nature as a whole. 

2. Bump in the Night | #71

Anyone writing a horror podcast should listen to this episode. I dare not mention much else about the story for fear of spoiling anything, but just know ahead of time the true beauty of Bump in the Night is the slow dawning dread and fear as you realize what is happening to Dawn before she reaches the part of the chronology where she also realizes what’s up. 

3. Don’t Let me See You in the Whirl | #56

The Evening Whirl, a weekly newspaper in St. Louis, MO, is an 81-year-old oddity. Eschewing the usual journalistic standards and libel-avoiding practices such as using the terms “allegedly” and “accused, the Whirl is infamous for its brazen, alliterative style. It sensationalizes, it doesn’t fact-check, it makes up nicknames for repeat offenders. The history of the Whirl is as wacky as the paper itself, making this a must-have on any Criminal playlist. 

4. The Mail | #112

The content warning on this episode should be heeded. That said, if you’re in the headspace to listen to the content at stake, this one is on par with Bump in the Night for how terrifying the story of Sarah Garone getting sent creepy pornographic packages gets. Try as you might, you will not guess the ending. You’ll end up feeling helpless alongside Garone as she tells her story that echoes those of thousands. Except, at least in this rare case, some form of justice is served. 

5. Money Tree | #51

At the age of 11, Axton Betz-Hamilton watched her parents struggle to recover from identity theft, a crime so new police had no real recourse. Eight years later she found as she moved out for college that her own credit score was effectively non-existent from a stranger racking up debt in her name. Through sheer perseverance, she goes on to become an expert in identity theft, eventually finding the one person who stole her and her family’s identities. This remains high on my shortlist of not just episodes to get new listeners into Criminal, but of episodes to get people into podcasts in general. 

6. The Manual | #85

In 1993 three people were found dead, and in a twist out of a cheesy crime novel we discover the murder was planned from a book titled “Hit Man: A Technical Manual for Independent Contractors.“ A Beetlejuice-ian tome, this dangerous book prompts a difficult conversation about the first amendment. Is a book specifically written to teach someone how to make a living out of murder fully protected under free speech? 

7. Lavender Scare | #93

There are moments in the history of a country that tends to get glossed over, at best for fear of making bigots uncomfortable, at worst to pretend marginalized populations magically didn’t also exist. Moments of darkness that affected some of the most vulnerable people that aren’t commonly talked about. In this episode, Criminal gives accounts of a wave of attempts to find ways to kick LGBT members out of the US armed forces, told firsthand by a lesbian officer. 

8. The Big Lick | #76

Animal-lovers take note: this episode features a discussion of a despicable form of animal abuse. This one’s a downer, there’s no way around that, but it’s an important one. A story of horse owners going to inhumane lengths to make an animal perform a single trick, and going as far as to send death threats when said inhumane methods are threatened. This episode showcases a terrifyingly commonplace example of what will be done in the name of “tradition.”

9. Masterpiece | #84

A kidnapping case that scandalized the socialites of the 1950s, except the victim wasn’t a person, but an incredibly expensive and well-pampered poodle named Masterpiece. A star of dog shows and magazine spreads, Masterpiece simply up and left with an unknown abductor one day, launching a manhunt (doghunt?) across 13 states. “Masterpiece” does what Criminal does best: talk about crime in a way that one never hears, including the fascinating world of 1950s high-class dog crime. 

10. Racehorse Haynes | #99

If you’ve ever balked at the courtroom antics of plucky fictional lawyers pulling stunts in TV courtrooms that would never fly in real live, the story of Richard “Racehorse” Haynes will blow your mind. Even showboating characters on Boston Legal would seem restrained in comparison to this real-life tornado of a man with a seemingly endless wellspring of confidence. Well, either confidence or sheer stubbornness. 

11. Bully | #66

A story that could only happen in a rural town, Bully tells the audience of a one-horse Missouri town that found itself under the boot of Ken McElroy. After a decades-long siege of the town, McElroy became so universally hated that one day someone murdered him in broad daylight with a shotgun. And, in true mob justice fashion, not one soul in Skidmore, MO seemed to have witnessed the very public crime. One day Ken McElroy was shot dead

12. All the Time in the World | #68

A true contender for the most morbid episode, Judge tackles the popular true crime topic of “body farms.” These mythical private facilities take donated cadavers and subject them to the elements to study decay and figure out how bodies react to different circumstances. Car trunks, buried in oil drums, out in the sun, these places take anthropological studies to the extreme. Lucky for us, Phoebe Judge is one of the few podcasters given permission to tour a working facility. The field audio of Judge attempting to process how many dead people are around her is one of the most real, macabre listening experiences of my podcast-listening life. Like “Bump in the Night”, this is on my all-time list of must-listen podcasts. Oh, and I advise not eating anything while listening to this.

For the Spotify-inclined, here is a playlist version of this list! Every episode of Criminal is a winner, and putting together this list was a labor of love, whittling down 30-ish potential choices to what’s published here now. Didn’t see your favorite? Let me know on social media or in the comments.