Nickelodeon All Star Brawl was released in 2021 on the Nintendo Switch, Playstations 4 through 5, Xboxes One through Series X, and PC to critical “huh, this isn’t that bad”. It brought in twenty well-loved characters from Nickelodeon past and present, a surprising eye to detail for features competitive players care about, and a commitment to bringing in Garfield as a DLC character.

But there is one question about NASB that has haunted the minds of gamers for about a month or two. A question that Nickelodeon refuses to answer and one that I, a humble semi-part time podcasting journalist, must address. 

That question, of course: What kind of podcasts align with each fighter in the Nickelodeon All Star Brawl roster?

. . . Okay, I know what this looks like. This is Eddie just doing that big long Smash Brothers list again because it made some numbers and now he thinks going after the 90’s kid nostalgia for Nickelodeon cartoons will make that happen again and not seem like he’s beating a dead horse. 

Read more: Every Super Smash Brothers Fighter as a Podcast (UPDATED 10/5/21)

Well, you know what, bucko? You are absolutely 100% correct. I’m glad we’re on the same page.

I was originally writing this with the intention of assigning every represented Nickelodeon character a specific podcast, but then I realized these characters cannot be contained to single shows. Instead I generalize about what kind of podcast each character has the vibe of, sometimes naming a few specific podcasts . Maybe it’s the kind of show they would host or the kind of show they would listen to or just like their kind of show. 

This also allowed me to also be a little mean without calling about specific shows. If you feel like I am talking about you and your show, that’s between you and God.

(Editor’s note: All images sourced from the official, but hilariously unverified, Nickelodeon All-Star Brawl Twitter account.)

An image of Danny Phantom in Ghost mode, with white hair, green eyes, a black and white... costume...?, behind a swirly green background. He's standing with one knee up, his fists out, and his teeth gritted, pose of an emo kid who just wants to wail on someone in the mosh pit. I loved Danny Phantom, because I am a bisexual. Hi, welcome to Editor Wil's Alt Text.

Danny Phantom is one of those podcasts where they talk about ghost stories and strange happenings. I would also specify podcasts that are spooky and also queer, since Danny Phantom carries the same unintended queer undertones as a lot of Butch Hartman’s early 2000’s work. 

An image of April O'Neil, wearing her signature yellow jumpsuit and kinda cocking her thumb back, like, "Get a load of this bullshit!" I can only assume she's pointing at the results page of my "April O'Neil" Google image search to find this. She's behind a blue background stylized to resemble bricks.

April O’Neil is obviously a news podcast. I’d go a step further and say she’s one of those This American Life-like podcasters who goes all in on people’s individual stories to highlight a different walk of life in an almost exploitative way.

A picture of Ren and Stimpy, two creatures which should have never ever ever been rendered in CG, but here we are. Both characters are anthropomorphized, kinda. In that 90s cartoon way. Okay, so: Ren is a hairless chihuahua. He has pale skin, purple-pink pupils, a little red nose, a sharp black eyebrow, and a single piece of truly foul hair coming out of his truly foul head. Stimpy's chill though, or like, more chill. Stimpy is a big red and white cat with a big ol' blue nose and three pieces of hair coming out of his head. Ren scowls and clenches his fists while Stimpy puts his hand on Ren's shoulder and gestures outwards, convivially. They are in front of a stink green background.

Ren and Stimpy are a two guys just chatting podcast, except it’s one of those one’s that’s actually really good for a while but then one of the guys winds up being a piece of shit and the show ends. It’ll be paraded around as a victim of canceled culture by people who will reference it so much that you’ll grow to resent the original content. 

Read more: Why Your Podcast Sucks : S-Town

(I know what you’re all asking, and I do think that Stimpy would be the one that’s canceled. His soft boy vibes cannot justify some of his firmly held beliefs.)

An image of Aang, a 12-year-old monk with air-based supernatural powers. He's wearing casual yellow garments with an orange belt and an orange capelet, which is flowing in assumed wind. Aang is in an airbending stance--a type of elemental martial arts--with one fist clenched but drawn low, while the other extends forward with his palm facing out and his fingers close together. One knee lunges in front of the other, which extends back. He has a light blue arrow tattoo on his head, orange-brown eyes, furrowed brows, and a serious expression. The background is yellow and shows the Airbender insignia, three swirls. Okay but like, if you zoom in on this, why is Aang potato quality? Why did they do this to my son? Why does he look so disappointed? This is fucked up.

Aang is a mix of meditation and upbeat podcasts. The kind of things to help your inner mind find peace while also not paying attention to the outer workings of the world. I’m fully aware that Aang doesn’t necessarily get this choice in Avatar: The Last Airbender, but you know it’s his vibe.

I should mention now that I’ve actually played the game since, as a dedicated reporter, I need to know my primary sources. I mention this because, for those gamers like me out there only interested in the mad statz of these characters, Aang sucks to play as. It’s very funny to me how a lot of the characters who seem like they would fit perfectly in a fighting game (Danny Phantom, Aang, Zim) are a bit lackluster, while some of the more cartoony characters (Nigel Thornberry, Catdog, Reptar) are borderline broken. This game is a 100/10.

A picture of Sandy Cheeks, a bucktoothed squirrel in an astronaut suit and helmet. Her fur is pale brown, and her fluffy tail sticks out from the suit. She has decorated the clear, spherical helmet with a little pink flower, because she's perfect. She's gesturing to herself with her thumb while her other fist sits at her hip. She's in front of a yellow background with acorns and fall leaves. Hey did you know the full Spongebob musical is on Youtube in high quality and it fucking rips? It just absolutely fucking rules? It goes the hardest it could go over and over? No for real. No I'm not kidding though

I’m honestly a little torn on Sandy. On one hand, I could see her as those deep dive science podcasts explaining big science things to us dummies in an approachable yet informative way. On the other hand, Sandy is a deep sea explorer on a scientific journey to study an aquatic landscape. While she hasn’t run into too many horrifying things, I could see her as a collection of the various audio dramas about how scary yet wonderful the sea is (AKA “The Jordan Cobb Mix”).

An image of Zim, a bizarre and angular green alien, shouting. His black antennae point down from the back of his head, and his bulbous eyes are pink-red. A zig-zag pink tongue juts out of his mouth between his square-shaped teeth as he does a yell. His fists are both extended in either triumph or outrage. He wears a pink... getup...? with black gloves and a small silver backpack. The background is purple with circuitry-like illustrations. As a bona fide Hot Topic kid growing up, I can say this is devastatingly Eddie's best read here.

Zim isn’t a specific type of podcast per say. Rather, he is one of those podcasts that clearly doesn’t want to be just a podcast. He’s ambitious, trying to get a movie deal or a talk show or take over the world, all things we know certain podcasters get into the game for. 

At the end of the day, it’s unsuccessful, and he spends his time searching the word “podcast” on twitter and responding to every tweet he sees. 

A picture of Nigel Thornberry, a middle-aged man wearing typical explorer's gear. His red hair and mustache are unkempt, his buckteeth are prominent, and his nose is simply gargantuan. He stands in front of a green background with 60s revival circular patterns. He was voiced by Tim Curry and that's kinda like his whole deal.

Nigel Thornberry is podcasts about animals. Pet animals, wild animals, extinct animals, he’s your guy. I’ve been talking about these characters as varying genres and kinds of podcasts, but Nigel Thornberry, like April O’Neil, is one of the few people on this list I could see with a real podcast. He’d have his own show that isn’t updated often since he spends most of his time guesting on other peoples shows as an expert on whatever animal thing they’re talking about. 

An image of Spongebob Squarepants. He's a square yellow kitchen sponge with a white shirt, a red tie, and brown pants. He has big eyes and two big front teeth, and he's standing in front of a cyan background with bubbles. So the thing about the Spongebob musical is that the actor who plays Spongebob is absolutely ripped. No, like. RIPPED. He's jacked. This dude's muscles are Greek statue shit. And you spend the first like, idk, 10 minutes thinking, "I'm gonna watch two hours of this absolutely jacked little lad do the Spongebob voice I bet" but then you realize that actually the musical fucking rules and go watch it

Spongebob has big celebrity podcast vibes. Maybe I’m conflating the character with his cultural influence, but he does have the vibe of a celebrity being put in front of a microphone to talk about stuff, maybe interview people. I guess what I’m saying is Spongebob is the Conan O’Brian of podcasting. 

As a side tangent, they gave every character about three unvoiced, pre written lines of dialogue before every fight to randomly generate through, and for some reason this was one of the ones they pulled for Spongebob:

It’s weird in context, but it is a fucking raw thing to shout out someone before you start beating the shit out of them. 

From Eddie: "Pictured: Spongebob about to erase his best friend from the face of the earth." Truly. A picture of a Philips TV with a screenshot of Spongebob standing... on the... roof of a van, I think? A dialogue box reads: "SPONGEBOB: Who put you on this planet??" To the right of him, Patrick Star is also on the van (???) doing some little dance or something. Hey question actually: what?
Michaelangelo, a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle. He's a turtle but also, y'know, a ninja. He's a green turtle with a brown shell and a yellow... sixpack? of abs? okay. He's wearing red accessories including: a superhero mask-like bandana with his eyes showing through, tied behind his head; nunchucks, slung behind him; bracelet thingies; elbow pads; a tied karate-like belt with an M medallion in the middle; and kneepads. He's in front of a green turtleshell patterned background.

Michelangelo wins the award for “Nickelodeon character with the stoner podcast.” It was a tight race for a bit. Patrick put up a good fight, but at the end of the day, if I had to guess which character was all about that reefer madness, it would be Michelangelo all the way.

Read more: Highly Recommended Stonercasts

Okay. Um--this is Powdered Toast Man. He's a superhero in a white costume with blue gloves and a red belt. His costume has gold midcentury-style stars on it, which are also in white on the gold background. And his head is two pieces of toast back to back. Idk man

Powdered Toast Man is a brand podcast. He’s all high and mighty about the benefits of powdered toast . You will never see him address any of the critiques of his brand, such as how powdered toast “tastes like sawdust” or “doesn’t really exist”. He’s not here to start a conversation. He’s here to tell you about powdered toast. 

REPTAR!!! This big perfect baby is a Godzilla-esque big ol' dinosaur and he's, I love him. He's green! He has blue spines on his back! His eyes are pink-red and his mouth is PURPLE! He's got chompy sharp but little white teeth. His goofy little hands form claws in that "I'm gonna get you!" way. He's perfect. He's baby. He's a trans ally, he's my best friend, he's my mother and my son.

Reptar is . . . just a dinosaur. He doesn’t know what he for. He likes to stomp and roar. Hey! He’s just a dinosaur!

…I’m going to level with you guys, I knew I was going to hit a wall with assigning these Nickelodeon characters podcast types but I didn’t think I would hit it at Reptar. I loved Rugrats as a kid, so this is embarrassing. I’ve never even seen The Loud House and I’ve got two of those brats to figure out. 

OK, fine, let’s be easy on this one. Reptar is a nostalgia podcast, which you could argue all of these characters could be. You know, those shows that are all like “hey, remember this thing you used to like? Well, we’re gonna talk about it every week!” It ranges from just discussing things from a random era or very specific things. I’d say Reptar is a 90’s one since that is just kind of what he is to me. 

Patrick Star, a good boy, not to be mistaken with Jeffree Star, a racist. Patrick is a pink starfish. He has a bellybutton that's honestly more prominent in the show than it is here--here it kind of looks like a pimple? It's weird. His black eyebrows are raised and his arms are pointed up, making him look like even more of a star. He's wearing green shorts with a purple floral print, and he's in front of a green floral background. He's a good guy just living his best life.

Patrick Star would not know what a podcast is, but would be talked into being the cohost of one by one of his friends who is clearly more interested in the topic they’re discussing. It would be one of those “oh I’m the expert and he knows nothing about it” kind of shows. Patrick is actually the more likable part of the show since the main host would be kind of snooty about it and mainly try to get laughs out of how little Patrick knows about the subject but Patrick is always the funniest. It’s probably Squidward. 

As a side note, man, Squidward would be absolutely insufferable about podcasts. Luckily he’s not in this game so I’m not obligated to get into it. 

Leonardo is the same shit as the other Ninja Turtle but Blue and Swords: He's a turtle but also, y'know, a ninja. He's a green turtle with a brown shell and a yellow... sixpack? of abs? okay. He's wearing blue accessories including: a superhero mask-like bandana with his eyes showing through, tied behind his head; two katanas, one in each hand; bracelet thingies; elbow pads; a tied karate-like belt with an L medallion in the middle; and kneepads. He's in front of an orange graffiti patterned background.

Leonardo is any kind of eastern culture podcast, be it anime or history or whatnot, but hosted by a white guy.

MY GIRL! Toph is a badass like 10-year-old girl who kicks ass and rules. She is in an earthbending pose, an elemental martial arts style, with one fist held up and one fist pointed down, with both arms bent at the elbow. She's wearing a tan tunic over a green half-sleeve shirt and pants. She has on an olive green belt and bracers. Her black hair is made ornately in a circular design with a gold and green headband. Bangs lay casually in her face, and her eyes are silver-white to emphasize that she is blind. She's in front of a green background with Earth Nation insignia. Also Eddie is right

Toph is a gamer who only listens to gamer podcasts.

Who the fuck is Lucy Loud? Okay--she's a small girl with a large head dressed in all black. Her black bangs completely cover her eyes, and her nose protudes out from under them. She has a scowl. She's wearing a black dress with a pointy V collar, and there's just kind of black strips on her chest, neck, legs, and forearms. She's in front of a blue and purple background with skulls and cobwebs.

Lucy Loud is, according to her TV Tropes page, “a gloomy goth girl with an interest in Gothic poetry” who acts cynical and insincere. So that’s something to work with. 

I think she’s the same as Danny Phantom but her podcasts really get into the nitty gritty of the lore of the spooky stories, even at the expense of fun. It’s fun for some very specific people. 

My wife... wow... it's really her... this early childhood crush is a... sort of... um... okay. So. She's a snakelike figure with arms and legs. Her body is made up of blocky black and white stripes. One arm is black, and the other is white. She's doing the same "I'm gonna get you pose" as Reptar, because she's also perfect. Her mouth is big and red with square-shaped teeth and a blue tongue, and they rendered it WAY too shiny. Her eyes protrude from her head with snail-like eyestalks, and she has three eyelashes on each. Three pieces of??? hair??? come out of her head and, well, her ass. She's in front of an orange and red background with scribbles. So like, I'm not the only one right? Right?

Oblina, who I am pleasantly surprised to find on this list, is straight up horror podcasts. I’m talking about the real scare the shit out of you stuff. 

Korra, a strong beautiful bisexual lady revving up to punch someone square in the jaw. She's wearing a blue and white sleeveless shirt with a high collar, a blue and white bracer on her upper arm, a dark blue bracer on her forearm, dark blue pants, and a brown and fluffy white thing tied around her waist like people did in the 90s with hoodies. She has her hair up in a high ponytail, with two long pieces coming down in front, adorned with dark blue tube-shaped accessories around the hair. Her bangs are in her face and she's scowling. Her eyes are INEXPLICABLY purple.

Korra is a sports podcasts. I’ve run the numbers and she is in fact the most jock character in this game. 

Helga Pataki, a girl wearing pink and crossing her arms. Her blond hair is up in french-fry-shaped pigtails, her bangs are squared, and she has a big pink bow atop her head. She's wearing a pink dress with a red stripe at the bottom over a white short-sleeved turtleneck. She has an iconic unibrow. Listen, I relate hard to Helga in like every way so be fucking nice to her. Don't actually, she's awful. But do, she's a CHILD.

Helga is an ill advised advice podcast. Not in the My Brother My Brother and Me “lol what bad advice we are giving” kind of way. No, this is a podcast that full chested gives people terrible advice and is incredibly defensive and hostile to critiques online. 

….Is Helga The Joe Rogan Experience? 

I don't wanna make jokes about Catdog because it feels beneath me and there's so many damn characters here. Catdog is the upper half of a cat fused with the upper half of a dog. In this image, the cat appears to be walking while the dog acts as the feet. They're in front of a bright blue background with fish and bones.

Catdog, who, given my personal tastes, I’m surprised at myself to find so low on this list, is, I dunno, let’s say Anime Sickos. Yes, I know I’ve been doing vague podcast categories up until now, but I am so close to being done. Just let Catdog be Anime Sickos. Come on. It’s almost Christmas and I’ve been ever so good this year. We all have places to be. Maybe click on a few ads on the way out. You don’t even need to buy anything. It’ll just look nice for our numbers.

Literally who is this??? Picture of a normal-looking kid with white hair, an orange shirt, and like denim shorts. He's got a smiley face in his hair? Idk. He's in front of a yellow background with stars and scribbles.

Lincoln Loud is Serial. I have no jokes about Lincoln Loud. He seems like a nice kid. 

And that’s all of them. Well, aside from the at-time-of-writing leaked DLC characters. But they’re not confirmed yet so I don’t need to do them. You can’t make me. 

If your show overlaps with some of these character categories, congratulations! Enjoy your government assigned Nickelodeon character. 

Just like with the Smash Brothers one, I really underestimated how much work would go into arbitrarily assigning every character in this character platform fighting game a podcast. It’s thankless and frankly unasked for work.

But my work is done. This entire article seemed to be a “yes, and” to a bit of me doing this with crossover character fighting games. As long as nothing else comes out to force me to do this again, I think this is a wrap on these arbitrary unasked for lists. 

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m gonna kick up my feet, take a nice long sip of coffee, and look into this “MultiVersus” thing Twitter is talking about. 

Update 12/8/21

Editor’s note: Some shit went down before I could actually publish this, so unfortunately, I had to hit Eddie up on our Slack. Sorry Eddie. Sorry world.

Screenshot of a DM between Wil (editor) and Eddie that reads: "Wil 11:43 AM Eddie I bring to you cursed news I am sure you have seen but in the time between when I finished formatting the list and now it seems that a new challenger has appeared and of course, it could only be Garfield."
An image of Garfield, a comic book orange tabby cat. He's standing in front of a blue and teal background with illustrations of speech and thought bubbles, and his arms are outspread triumphantly. Everything about his smile and his pose are so wildly out of character. Amazing

Except I actually do. A quick update, a few hours before this article got finalized: they officially announced Garfield as a DLC character. On one hand, good for Garfield, he’s really been working for it. On the other hand, fuck me I guess. At least Garfield is a soft ball.

Garfield is a comic character. Therefore, he is podcasts about comics. This could range from shows about podcasts comics currently coming out like The Two Headed Nerd to shows doing deep dives into comics history such as Aack Cast.

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